7 Questions That'll Get Your Kids To Talk
If your kids are like mine, than you know the typical teenage one-word answers “good,” “fine,” and “okay.” Instead of getting frustrated with the lack of communication from my kids, I dive into my youth pastor training and use the same techniques I use when it comes to getting students to open up, good open-ended and follow-up questions. Here is a quick list to help you get started at asking great open-ended and follow-up questions.
1. Tell me more about that?
When teenagers give us quick answers it is because they don’t have to think about their response. It is an automatic, go to answer. When we ask for more information, it takes them out of automatic mode and makes them think and engage in the conversation. This question also shows that you care about them and want to know more than a simple answer.
2. Can you explain this to me?
My kids love when they know more than me (which happens quite often these days, “new math” is weird). When they get to explain a topic they love or feel like they are teaching me something, it brings them out of their one-word answers.
3. Tell me about _________?
This one is my ministry go to and works with my own kids. If you listen to your kids talk you can pick up on names, places, topics, and subjects that they care about. Then take that one word or thing and ask them about it. An example is a student in the ministry is talking about Auburn basketball (of which I know nothing), but I will ask that student, “who is your favorite player on the Auburn basketball team?” A personal example is to ask my daughter about one of their friends by name, “tell me about (friend’s name here), how is she doing?”
4. What do you think about this?
It could be a current topic, a popular song/team, or even what’s for dinner. When we ask our kid’s to weigh in on a subject and what to know their opinion and thoughts, we are showing our kids that they matter and we want to hear what they have to say.
5. Hypothetical questions
This is one of my favorite because it come out of nowhere and tends itself to my following up with the ultimate open-ended question: why? Just make up something fun or that your kid is passionate about and watch them open up. The crazier the better. “If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?”
6. High, Low, Buffalo
If your student has ever had me teach this Sunday school class, they will know this phrase. I often start small groups off by asking student’s to share their high for the week (good thing that happened), low for the week (not so good thing that happened), and buffalo for the week (something odd or weird that happened). This is a great way for kids to reflect on their week as a whole and gives you a chance to ask more follow-up question like, “I don’t know that happened, tell me more of the story.”
7. What can I be praying for you about?
This one is important because it allows your kids to open up and for you to connect on a spiritual level. When we ask what can I pray for you about, what I often hear from my kids is what they are worried about or dealing with in emotionally. asking what you to be praying for in your student’s life is honestly one of the best questions you can ask any kid. It shows you care about their faith and want to hear what is on their mind when it comes to their life and their relationship with Jesus. Take time each week to ask this question, Lent is a great time to start this new tradition.